Too Much Information

I try not to be judgmental of a messy office. It happens. A man needs a place to keep his crap and look at his internet porn.

But if said man wants to pose in the nude there, he might want to consider the decor.

This man is telling us, "I love tacky movies from the 80s about stalkers and rapists starring has-beens like Connie Stevens." Oh, and don't forget, "I like Gumby."

Score for body - an A-. Overall score - D+.

Watch and learn, boys.

What Decade Is This?

Actually, the current decade isn't relevant. Those curtains were NEVER in style.

Location, Location, Location

This guy is definitely a hottie, even sporting a Prince Albert. I would enjoy looking at him just about anywhere but here.

I guess I'm not sure what he's putting on display - his cock or his clothes dryer? Sure, it's an attractive front-loader, but is it energy-efficient? Anyway enough about his cock...

Also I wonder how many pairs of tennis shoes one man needs?

Would Your Parents Approve?

This older gentleman likes taking pictures of himself a lot. I think he enjoys showing off his piercing (sorry, you can't see it). Usually the photos are pretty well done, but this one I take issue with:




I'm just guessing that those are his parents. As I can tell you from experience - looking at your sex partner's parents (or grandparents, or any other assorted relative) pretty much kills the mood.

Put that picture away, or at least throw a piece of fabric over it!

Studs or Geeks?

As you'll recall from prior posts, the smallest details in how you decorate your room can really cut back on your hotness points. Witness these muscle dudes:



The scene is hot. Muscled, masculine men engaged in some play. Lube and poppers at the ready. Their modern living room featuring all of the gay male essentials - nude pictures, an Advocate, something from a foreign country (in this case the London A-Z guide).

But what's that in the corner? Are those action figures? Possibly ones that are doing karate?

Guys, the only toys you should have on display when taking your naked photos are those that are made of rubber and shaped like...well, you know!

Flowers Belong In A Garden

Continuing the theme from last week's post, we have a fellow posing on some type of daybed or basement couch.




But what is with that floral print? Is that a headboard? Tacky comforter?

Next time try a bed that's all in that solid green, and you'll be fine. Besides - the green sets off your red hair quite nicely.

Fingerpainting?

Today's post illustrates the central idea with this blog. A hot nude photo always takes into account location, location, location.



This fellow has that shaved head, tattooed, pierced naughty boy thing going on. That's hot.

What's not hot are those walls. Was this room designed by a child? Or maybe Ty Pennington after he's had one too many?

That green carpet isn't much better. Ten-to-one says this couch is in someone's basement.

And someone needs to stop buying their pillows in the bargain bin at the local craft store...

Short and Sweet

This daddy-type dude needs just one piece of advice.



Take out the trash. Haven't you heard of identity theft?

Sniffing

Today's picture demonstrates how you can go from 90% hot to an eye-popping100%.


This guy has an amazing body. And he's a redhead, which I believe is a turn-on for just about all gay men other than redheads.

As we look at the decor, he has chosen to sit in his home office. A logical choice nowadays, as many men take nude pictures there while they are looking at other men's shots. Porn begets porn.

But that little stuffed animal on the computer sends the wrong message. Something like, "I'm a tough straight-acting dude and will fuck you in half! Oh, and I cried at the end of Babe."

And although my primary focus here is on the room ambiance, can I ask what that is he is sniffing? A washcloth? Gay porn tip #86 - if you're going to sniff something, it had better be a jockstrap.

On the John

A bathroom is a good location for a nude picture of yourself. You already spend hours of your life in their naked anyway, why not turn on the digital camera?

But before you do, think about how it's decorated. Your lover or wife might have thought various knickknacks were cute when you did that bathroom remodel. And yet...



This gentleman has chosen to sit on the toilet cover. Sure, that can be hot. What's not hot is that thing behind him. What is that - a cat? And what is hanging on it? Watches? Bracelets? Looks like it belongs on a dresser in the bedroom. That creature over his other shoulder isn't helping any. It screams, "I like tacky shit in my bathroom."

The easy advice here is just to quickly remove everything from that shelf before you begin your photo session. Soon you'll have the boys wishing they could join you in that shower!

Bedroom Shelves

Hey there, guys. I hope you've been enjoying the blog. If you do - please pass the word, particularly to other sites where guys talk about porn!

Today's sample photo is a gentleman who has chosen to pose on his bed, an logical location. But as you can see there are issues with his shelves:

As much as a Container Store set-up is desirable for space considerations, it also means that you're putting all of that on display in your photo.

Issue 1 - the Furbies! I don't know why those were ever in vogue, but I can tell you that they are so 20th century. Men will look at those and think that you are a weird manchild.

Next, I take issue with putting all of your DVD collection up for viewing. For every DVD I would give you props for (Pulp Fiction), I have to take off points for some stinkers (Cellular? Really?). In other words, I'm sitting here debating your taste in movies, when I should be focused on those nipple rings!

And finally - what is that little house behind your head? A coin bank, perhaps?

This could be a nice shot, but I suggest cropping the photo above the headboard, and hiding the house thing with a pillow. Then you're in business, mister.